More Than Warriors

The journey of manhood demands that we move beyond our cultural obsession with warriors.

I propose that manhood isn’t about something defined that we become, but the journey from boyhood (being born male) to a healthy self-determined adulthood. With that comes six critical ideas on what the journey of manhood (as opposed to the journey to manhood) would entail:

• Honoring your biology (parts one, two, and three) while

• growing beyond cultural expectations,

• overcoming cultural obstacles, and

• healing your psyche, to

• discover your most authentic self and

• use your gifts to serve the world.

Over a number of weeks, I will unpack these. This is the first post focused on growing beyond cultural expectations.

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I Want To Be A Warrior

In a recent post, I brought up the book, “King Warrior Magician Lover” (affiliate). It’s a good book that explores traditional male archetypes and how to embrace them in healthy ways as both a boy and a man. Honestly, if guys took all four seriously, most of us who work the book would develop into healthy humans.

But there are two problems here:

1. most guys have never heard of the book, and

2. those who have, rarely take all four seriously.

My soul guide pointed out this issue to me a couple of years ago when he said, “Every time I talk about that book with a group of men, do you know which archetype they always want to work on? The warrior.”

Is your marriage failing? It must be a warrior problem.

Your life is completely out of balance? It could only be a weak warrior.

Do you lack the wisdom to make sage decisions? Definitely time for some warrior work.

While looking for other newsletters that might vibe with Manhood Reimagined, I ran into one that declared, “Masculine life is war. If you're a man who doesn't view life as war, you're going to lose.”

I have to wonder what’s going on there. Do we as men think we’re rocking the roles of king, magician, and lover and it’s the warrior who’s been left behind?

What would our wives or girlfriends say? Do they rave about us as lovers (or kings, or magicians)?

Our Cultural Warrior Obsession

So if our warrior didn’t get left behind what would explain our warrior obsession?

I imagine at some level we could point to our own insecurities, but what stirs that up in us? It all starts with culture.

Who are our heroes on the big screen? The Avengers. Who are our historical idols? The Spartans (nevermind that other Greeks had very different conceptions of manhood). Who do we honor in real life? Soldiers, cops, and firefighters.

In other words, as a society, we prop up those in warrior roles and set that as the ideal for manhood. So what do boys want to become when they grow up? Warriors. What do grown males seek to embody? The Warrior.

Why We Need More Than Warriors

The old saying tells us that when the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. So what problem is created when all we cultivate is our inner warrior?

Last week, Senator Lyndsey Graham appeared on Fox News laying out a de-escalation plan for the current crisis in Israel and Gaza. In response to Hamas saying it would execute a hostage for every Israeli attack, Graham responded by saying that every time a hostage is executed, the United States should bomb an Iranian oil refinery.

But it’s not just Lyndsey Graham. When we look at broader society, our answer to just about any social problem is an expanded military budget, more cops, and tighter borders. Given this, is a lack of warriors really the issue we’re facing? Or is that a sign that we need to need to look beyond the warrior?

How would a generative king who cultivates life through service respond to an uprising in an apartheid state where one of the highest concentrations of people on earth with a median age of 19 lives in what is functionally an open-air prison?

Would things look different if we listened to the magician who, as a purveyor of knowledge, can help us see a broader context, learn from history, and identify new paths forward?

Or perhaps we could just listen to the voice of the lover who is passionate about life. If we did, our hearts might break, not only over what happened to Israeli citizens over the past week but also what has been happening to innocent Palestinians over the past 16 years.

But we haven’t, as a society, nurtured these other elements, which is why those who want to take the journey of manhood need to grow beyond cultural expectations.

I’ll have more on how to do that in future posts.