I think you are right that a partner, from a place of love, can help you see where you need to grow. Not that they say: "Hey, that sucked. You need to fix that." More like, "how can we grow together, working on ourselves so we can be better in relationship?" How do you see that?
Now, if the pressure cooker is about our own formation, rather than living up to someone else's ideal, how do we get there when all of society is urging us to do things to meet that ideal we can't even see while ignoring personal growth?
I think you have a different kind of showing in mind. I’m thinking more being in relationship will reveal your woundedness. A partner will trigger all of your insecurities, not because they do anything, but simply because they are there. Some even argue that our psyches prompt us to pick the people we do with the purpose of pushing us into wholeness: https://amzn.to/40S2wfF
The real challenge then is how to respond, both for us and our partner. Here a partner can walk with you in the movement to wholeness or find themselves triggered by your triggering. I would say, most of the time, couples finding themselves triggered by their partner’s triggering is really the core issue.
As for the how to do this in our modern world, I’ll say that’s why I have a whole section on growing beyond societal expectations … something I would say becomes easier and easier as you heal your psyche and you care more for yourself than other’s perception of you.
Interesting. If an outer other can never complete someone, that removes some serious pressure: if neither can complete the other, both are free to explore what the relationship can become. Can you say more about that please? I think it means there's no need to meet impossible standards...
Also,
you said the East is using immature strategies to answer the healthy challenge of the West; what would healthy East strategies look like?
I would agree on the pressure reduction, at least in terms of the relationship and the expectations placed on each person. Although, if a partner helps you see areas where you still need to step into wholeness, there can be some serious discomfort if you are unwilling to step into that call for growth. But yes, the pressure is more about the pressure cooker of your own formation than it is trying to check someone else’s boxes.
As for healthy East strategies, I don’t think there would be one when it comes to the search for an inner beloved as the East always looks out while the West looks in. That said, you can have a healthy East strategy for facing the world around you: https://manhoodreimagined.substack.com/p/we-all-need-recovery
I think you are right that a partner, from a place of love, can help you see where you need to grow. Not that they say: "Hey, that sucked. You need to fix that." More like, "how can we grow together, working on ourselves so we can be better in relationship?" How do you see that?
Now, if the pressure cooker is about our own formation, rather than living up to someone else's ideal, how do we get there when all of society is urging us to do things to meet that ideal we can't even see while ignoring personal growth?
I think you have a different kind of showing in mind. I’m thinking more being in relationship will reveal your woundedness. A partner will trigger all of your insecurities, not because they do anything, but simply because they are there. Some even argue that our psyches prompt us to pick the people we do with the purpose of pushing us into wholeness: https://amzn.to/40S2wfF
The real challenge then is how to respond, both for us and our partner. Here a partner can walk with you in the movement to wholeness or find themselves triggered by your triggering. I would say, most of the time, couples finding themselves triggered by their partner’s triggering is really the core issue.
As for the how to do this in our modern world, I’ll say that’s why I have a whole section on growing beyond societal expectations … something I would say becomes easier and easier as you heal your psyche and you care more for yourself than other’s perception of you.
Interesting. If an outer other can never complete someone, that removes some serious pressure: if neither can complete the other, both are free to explore what the relationship can become. Can you say more about that please? I think it means there's no need to meet impossible standards...
Also,
you said the East is using immature strategies to answer the healthy challenge of the West; what would healthy East strategies look like?
I would agree on the pressure reduction, at least in terms of the relationship and the expectations placed on each person. Although, if a partner helps you see areas where you still need to step into wholeness, there can be some serious discomfort if you are unwilling to step into that call for growth. But yes, the pressure is more about the pressure cooker of your own formation than it is trying to check someone else’s boxes.
As for healthy East strategies, I don’t think there would be one when it comes to the search for an inner beloved as the East always looks out while the West looks in. That said, you can have a healthy East strategy for facing the world around you: https://manhoodreimagined.substack.com/p/we-all-need-recovery