When Everything Changes
When everything changes in a moment, do you ask, “Why?” or, “What’s next?”
“We have eliminated your position at Xero Shoes.”
Those weren’t the words I was expecting to hear when I woke up last Thursday morning, but as I logged onto a call with my supervisor and saw that the CEO was also part of the conversation, I knew something was up.
The immediate question for most of us in a moment like that is, “Why?” especially since it had nothing to do with my performance or my personal investment in the company, something I was repeatedly assured of during the brief conversation.
While I could offer my thoughts and theories, ultimately, those don’t matter because they don’t change the situation. “Why?” can never provide a satisfactory answer.
The Problem with “Why?”
The problem of why is something I first realized as part of my side gig where I officiate funerals. It’s something I often bring up when there is an untimely death.
When a child dies from a medical complication, a loved one succumbs to addiction, or the emotional pain becomes so great that suicide feels like the only option, there is no satisfactory explanation and any attempt to offer one feels dismissive of the moment.
Yet, it is in these moments where people, well intentioned as they might be, say epically stupid things in hopes of answering, “Why?”
“God wanted them more.” If that’s the case, your all powerful “god” who needs nothing is a selfish asshole and not worthy of worship.
“At least they’re not suffering anymore.” Yeah, but that doesn’t change the seemingly pointless suffering in the first place.
“Everything happens for a reason.” While I don’t deny that flowers are able to grow in a pile of shit, the presence of flowers doesn’t change the fact that it’s still a pile of shit. The flowers could have just as easily been planted in some well composted soil.
Even when there is a clear why, it doesn’t provide any satisfaction. Do you think the family of UHC Executive Brian Thompson feels any better about his death knowing it happened because he oversaw a “health care” company that made billions while killing off countless people through their practice of denying claims?
To bring it back to my conversation last Thursday would it feel any better if I was told that it’s all about cost cuts created by Trump’s tariffs? Or if the company took a partnership risk and it didn’t pay off? Or if the direction of the company has changed and my gifts don’t align with the new strategy? Or the investors need to see higher profits? Or any other reason they might come up with? No, because at the end of the day, I’m still unemployed.
Ultimately, “Why?” either sends us down a perpetually dissatisfying rabbit hole or just leaves us hurting. “Why?” tries to to make something ok that isn’t ok. There is no, “Why?” you could give that doesn’t change the fact that losing my job, especially for a company I poured my heart and soul into, sucks.
So instead of asking, “Why?” we are much better served by asking, “What’s next?”
The Power of, “What’s Next?”
“Why?” never satisfies. “What’s next?” is an opportunity to create peace and ultimately satisfaction.
“Why?” leaves us stuck in the past with nowhere to go. “What’s next?” focuses on moving forward.
“Why?” is passive as it explains something that happened to us. “What’s next?” is active and gives us agency in what happens from here.
Ultimately, “What’s next?” moves us from where we are today and towards a new normal, even if it’s a new normal we don’t want.
My, “What’s Next?”
So what is next for me? What am I doing in response to last Thursday’s news?
Taking Time to Grieve
The danger of, “What’s next?” would be pretending that everything that happened in the past no longer matters and just moving onto the next thing. That is not what I’m saying. There are multiple levels of grief to work through:
There’s the obvious impermanence. I had something good and I no longer have it.
I also grieve thinking about what could have been while at Xero Shoes, the impact I wanted to make but whether it was do to inter-office dynamics, conflicting visions, or whatever else, it never fully manifested (something I hinted at in last week’s post).
At some level, there’s also grief about the state of the world and how business works in American society.
The point is, that grief has manifested as an array of feelings that I’m processing and will continue to process. They include shock, hurt, frustration, bitterness, anxiety, and stress.
But there’s also joy in the memories, appreciation for coworkers, pride in how I conducted myself, and hopefulness knowing that I’ve been in difficult situations before.
Doing Some Contract Work
While my primary source of income is gone, I still have some work I can do.
My side gig as a funeral officiant will always be needed and pays well so hopefully I can stir up a bit more business there.
A local church asked me to preach on Palm Sunday so I’m busy putting that together.
Xero Shoes has asked me to do some contract work so we need to see if we can come to an agreement.
All of this will give me time to ask the much deeper questions I’m asking myself right now.
Asking Myself, “What Do I Want?”
But in the midst of this, I am also asking myself what I want moving forward. A few of the specific questions I’m asking include:
What do I want my days and weeks to look like? Do I like the structure of a 9-to-5, or do I want something that ebbs and flows more with intensive periods followed by seasons of rest and recovery?
Do I want to remain in the footwear industry or even the outdoor industry, or do I want to pull from other aspects of my background including my doctorate in leadership and spiritual formation, my certification as a holistic life coach, or my breathwork certification?
How do my different ideas align with my core value of promoting human thriving?
Do I want to work for someone else or do I want to bet on myself?
Should I focus on one thing or am I better suited to pull together multiple streams of income and have some variety in my life?
Beyond impact, what are my other longings and how can I touch on those through work?
In the midst of all this, every morning I’m engaging with the Exercises of St. Ignatius (I’m using this book) and am reading, The Psychology of Courage (you’ll want to Google it to find it at a reasonable price).
Writing An E-Book
I’ve actually written two books so far. One laid out my take on faith and life about 17-years ago. If I could make the few copies that remain disappear from the earth, I would.
The second one is my doctoral dissertation where I asked myself if there was a different way of approaching faith and life. A few years back, someone who read it appreciated it enough to buy a hardbound copy for each of us. I display it on one of my bookshelves and often turn to it when doing something that involves the Bible.
So what about this new book?
It might be crazy, but my plan is to write the entire thing in the month of April.
In it I will lay out why the most important thing you can do in your life is recognize, embrace, and live from your belovedness. In other words, it is a deeper dive into, The Soul of Soul.
Are you curious?
Would you like a chance to read as I write and offer feedback that will shape the final version?
How about get updates when I launch social media or the ebook itself?
Thanks for your openness and praying for you